A L O H A ! My life story.
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Create Your Own!
Had a great weekend with my family. Tho I rarely mention about them, they are really important people in my life, more than anyone other people in this world. I'm glad I have them. =D
Nothing interesting's happening in my life. Meeting cute guys counted? Joking! Haha. Went out yesterday despite being so damn tired. Nah, I miss my angel too much man. School's pretty ok but as usual tired. Luckily I've got friends in most lessons, or I'd be so bored. *Yawns* Sad thing is that some people make friends with you because you are of some help or use. But thing is they don't know you know. Hai. Heck anyway. Made pretty a lot of friends this sem! Haha, too friendly. =D Gosh, nothing to blog. Haha.
Gonna redeem my ice cream. Yums. Oh, and I do wanna meet someone whose name starts with a R and ends with a G! *Drools* Chaha.
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Saturday, May 28, 2005
Guess I'm just anxiously waiting for that day to come. Cos I think it'll do us more good than anything. I dont know. What am i stupidly hoping for seriously? I don't know. But if you want something, you gotta go get it yourself. But ain't somethings beyond our control? Why do I still think there's this tiny ray of hope? Why don't just destroy all the hopes I have and just let me wake up to reality? Anyway, I'm not really bothered by it. It's just that sometimes it comes to mind. At this point, there's nothing much left to say anyway.
I seriously don't understand how some people are so fake! They act like nothing's happened. That nothing bad has ever happened. I don't know how I should put it. But seriously, how can they ever bring themselves to do that? Betraying that someone behind his back and then acting like she really treasures him. I don't know. Maybe it's life for you. What am i driving at, I don't know. Just find it pretty hard to gain back the kind of trust once its lost.
We're drifting apart. She has abandoned me for her bf! Hais. I don't understand why once there is bf, there's hardly any room left for friends. Then when bfs leave, they come back. Just let things be. What can I do? I'm just a "spare-tyre".
Watched this drama series recently, it tells about your after life kinda thing. I mean it really is true how some people regret alot of things. If only everyone thought this way, then there wouldnt be space for regrets. But life's like this, we gotta learn through the hard way, right? Why do I seem to be so unhappy? Unhappy about so many things. I'm not actually, believe it or not.
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Friday, May 27, 2005
The people in the company seems to be much more helpful today. What's gotten into them man? But I'm glad anyway that we're done with our job there.
Have been reading alot of stuff about friends. About what friends feel about friends. Very heart-warming. All their friendships are so genuine. Ok, I'm not trying to gain sympathy whatsoever.
I've lost many friends over the years. Maybe its just me. Maybe. Most of them either dont bother or they just make me lose trust in them. Some start back-stabbing me and some just dont care. They wont even know if I'm dead or alive, unless I tell them. The worst kind of friends , wait, should i even call them that? Anyway, the worst kind of people are those who bloody act nice and all infront of me. Hold my hands when we walk, hug me when I feel down, call me and say they wanna meet up cos they miss me so much, all that crap dont wanna go on. Yet they lie to me about so many things, things which they never imagined I would find out all by myself, tell tales about me, bad mouth me, every sort of horrible thing you can ever think of. How can they ever bring themselves to do that? Fortunate for me, I've met too many people who do that to me. Seriously, if I really dont like you, I would not bother to act infront of you. My expressions and actions will give me away. Through these years, I've trusted the wrong people all along. Perhaps it's good that i realised now, better now than never right? Somehow it is sad, thinking about the good times and bad times we had gone through together. Gosh, saying all these is making me so miserable. Feel as though no one really bothers. Well, there are people who still bother. Im just thinking of those lost friendships and friends who dont treasure at all. All i know is that, it is difficult for me to just leave you out of my heart and act like I dont care. You are still somewhere in there. But thinking of you guys just make me more lost than ever. Perhaps not thinking about it would make things better. Perhaps.
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Thursday, May 26, 2005
Course manager wrote a note saying I could slot in the one elective and one core subject. He spoke to my supervisor ( Mr Kang) and Mr Kang as nice as always had put in a good word for me. Or was he just being honest? Hahaha! CM told the lecturer in charge that "Kang said they have done a great job for SIP" I was pretty much shocked that he used the word great. I mean isnt that great afterall, seriously. Am i having too low self-esteem? I'm suppose to boost the group's confidence but who's gonna boost mine? Sometimes I feel I havent done a great job leading the project group and making sure nothing goes wrong. Sigh. Guess things will get better, hopefully. Feel pretty lost sometimes. Dont know what to do next. Actually after i submitted my appeal, my mind just wasnt right. My friends encouraged me to put all into this sem so i could grad this sem. They were so agitated and all told me I was so foolish to wait till the next sem. True also. But somehow, I feel I wouldn't be able to make it. The workload is just too heavy! But i went ahead with it. Gosh, what am i thinking?
Now a part of me is hoping I would be able to put all modules into this sem. But, another greater part of me is hoping I don't get to do it. The greater half is scared and stressed. But I've left everything to someone to decide. That someone who knows what's best for me and if He brings me to it, He'll bring me through it. Nothing much to worry about. But humans.. dont they worry about everything and anything? Especially this special group called women. My eyelids are so heavy. I'm having a hard time trying to lift them up.
And ya, I havent been feeling well these days in terms of appetite and stuff. Always seem to be having this nauseous, stomach-churning feeling. Hais. My health is failing me. Tomorrow will be a better day!
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Wednesday, May 25, 2005
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Urgh, there's so much to do. I dont know what's distracting me. I just cant seem to get things done. Even if i do, they're done so slowly. Gosh. We're suppose to submit like so many things in 2 days! Life's so stressful. Who says poly life is easy?
Boon called me just when i was about to leave school. So i went back to look for him at the lab. Haha. He finds disturbing me a joy. How nice of him. He kept probing me to talk about what happened but i found it weird. I didnt know how or where to start! I blurted out that i was afraid as well that his friend would fabricate tales. I mean it isnt something to be happy about. Or something worth telling others about. Especially when its not that they care but rather just wanting to hear some juicy gossips. I just dont want it to spread too far. But i think I expressed myself wrongly. Dumb me! But he asked if I was free tomorrow. He was going to drop by in school anyway. So prolly he would meet me up for lunch or something. He said he would come look for me and would confirm with me later on. Haha. Im happy man! At least someone still remembers me. LOL. And his friend Jason, kept on disturbing us. You know like "ya he's doing this because of you" etc. Mad. Haha. Havent seen him for quite some time until today. Look forward to seeing him tomorrow!
I dont feel as much as I did for people anymore-people who dont consider my feelings at all. Why do I care so much and dwell on things that are inane! I guess I've really taken it in my stride. I really am not bothered about such stuff anymore. Just leave me alone and please dont do anything else to hurt me. You know Im vulnerable and only you know how to hurt me effortlessly.
I am SO SO tired. They have all made em3 seem so tough. They're threats and all have spurred me on! Ok, Im gonna have my leisure time now. Im sooooo stressed. Aint feeling too good now.
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Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Then I went to look for course manager, hoping to put all my modules into this semester which I think is kinda impossible. Becos firstly, the max CUs for 1 sem is 30 and if i wanted to complete all modules, it would be 32. He checked my results and said I did make improvement. Not bad. But he was worried I cannot handle the stress. Cos its MP this sem. 2ndly, I think the time slots clash. So he's gonna speak to my project supervisor and see what he has gotta say about my performance and all before deciding. And if the time slots doesnt clash that is. Sigh, shall hand it all over to God. Whatever he wills for me, I'll gladly accept it.
Had a very quick lunch. And i practically gobbled my food up. Then went for a tutorial. Ended in half an hour. I was already stoning. Boring lesson it was.
Then went to the lab for awhile and time for another tutorial. Was the last to reach. And the damn class was so packed. No more tables left! Then i spotted one right in front of the OHP. Sucks. I quickly settled down cos everyone was staring at me. No one i knew. Yet another boring lesson. Was just busy copying down the tutorial solutions. Its a killer subject. Very high faillure rate. But with my high intelligence, its tough to fail. OK, i was just kidding man! I will work hard and study smart. Then i felt so damn sleepy. But my hands continued scribbling. Finally the lesson ended. Gosh, same tutorial tomorrow morning. How am i going to survive that!
I walked like a zombie on my way home. Totally lifeless. Couldnt sleep as usual last night. I think im really suffering from insomnia! I think i must change my aromatherapy essence. Let sleep conquer me when i hit the sack!!!
Sigh. Gonna meet the CM again tomorrow to settle everything. He's funny. I was just thinking of how i should bring my point across to him when he started counting..
"1...2...3..4...5...6..(Looking at my ear piercings) Isnt it painful?!"
"Nope, not at all." (He gives me the shocked look)
Ok,gonna go. Im sooooo tired. Oh and the boys in Engine are all such despos. Ya, they are. School's a bore! I shant procrastinate.
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Monday, May 23, 2005
Yesterday's show wasnt bad. Probably i expected too much. So was a lil disappointed. But overall was stil funny. Haha. There were so many people i tell ya, i think the public could win tickets or something also. Dont know. It was so so packed man. *Dizzy* Enjoyed myself nonetheless.
Met up with Joey and Sauwai yesterday. Talking about sauwai, she's been my bestest friend through poly years. But she has graduated whereas I still have two more sems to go. Cos i deferred for one sem and failed one module in the first. Damn. Too playful le lah. We kinda drifted apart when our timetables were very much different. However, when you are good friends, nothing can pretty much change the fact right? So we met up during hols, had chats on phone and sms-ed often. Somehow, she is busy with her working life. But i believe that in her heart, she'll always remember me. She calls me babi and i call her babie. =D Haha. I love her man! She'd be returning to HK in Aug. Im so gonna miss her. Sigh. Hope to keep in touch. No matter near or far, when a person is in your heart, she'll always be there. Whahahaha! Anyway, I enjoyed their company very much yesterday.
Took a couple of photos.
Me and *her. She's very skinny lah. Real skinny!But she's one very fashionable lady! =)
Joey, Me and my Babie at Coffee Bean.
We're getting bored. Making a fool out of ourselves.
Decided to take a decent one. Hahaha!
Angeline didnt wanna take with me! She said gotta wait for her pimple to subside before she'll take. DUH! Excuses. Haha.
My sister claim these photos are nice. She's just wants me to make a fool of myself! Hmph.
That's all for now. School's gonna reopen tomorrow. Gosh, I think I've "left" school for too long. It just feels weird. And i haven't had my holidays! Gimme my holidays man! Im feeling so sluggish! I dont wanna go back! I dont! *Procrastinates* Urgh, just gotta accept the fact la.
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Saturday, May 21, 2005
Have changed my blog skin.Sick of the black ones.Gives me a sad feeling.Haha.Edited quite alot of things.Haha.Feel so proud of myself can!!LOL!The skin initally gave people that kinda very sad feeling.Like leave me alone and all.But its just so unlike me!So i decided to brighten it up!And change the pict,words and all.Cos i am happy!I dont need to prove to anyone i am.I am.I seemed to have been blinded for so long.Months.But now i see the bigger picture.And my thoughts have cleared.I used to think..if only..but now i would think if it does not go that way,so what?Everything happens for a reason.I will cross the bridge only when i see it.Not to worry so much over nothing.I believe God will guide me along and i know he decides what is best for me.It seems that i really dont care anymore.God has answered my pleas and prayers.Im not dwelling on it any longer.
Ok,done.Everything is settled.Many thanks to our colleague wenqi for assisting us so much in the last phase of our project.Thank God i still have a colleague who is still willing to help.Unlike our mr super responsible-ya rite supervisor.Urgh,cant believe we still have to include him in our acknowledgment section in time to come.So our project is 95% completed.Jh will touch it up over the weekends.Yipee!Finally!After much unnecessary delay.Hmph,i have been deprived of my holidays!But anyway,glad its all done.=) Wenqi is really nice.He helped us so much when we needed someone.And thing is,he is just sooooo patient.He doesnt get impatient with us unlike our mr super nice supervisor.Lol.Great guy!
This whole past week has been a boring one.very routined one.Monday:office,home ,return dvds,home .Tues:office,home .Wed:stayed till pretty late in office,home .you get the idea.But thursday was a different day.Thursday brought me much joy.Hehe. Thurs:Went for planned trip with the Nkf-Cmf.Cmf stands for children medical fund.For those who do not know,i am under subsidy from the nice and generous people at nkf.Many thanks to those who donate to 1900-112-6868,88 every year.You are really helping many people who do need your help.I am a patient of cmf!I am a kid! Now why am i under subsidy when i seem to be so rich,seem to be buying things forever?The hefty bills weighed my family down.Too much for us to afford.aAnd only a rich man would be able to pay for it without assistance.aAnd my family is not well off,really.But i am not ashamed to say it.We still can manage with life.I am proud to be in this family!ok anyway,so guess we went?
We went to the underwater world!mUahahha..kids what,remember?Havent been there for ages.Ok,maybe not that bad.Last visit there was with my poly clique.2 yrs back was it?The nkf people are so friendly.Well i mean they have to be very kind hearted and patient and all right,cos they're handling kids who are not normal compared to normal people,ok what am i talking about.They are normal.But some people just cant handle them and they can so patiently and filled with love.The kids are adorable! You just wanna take care of them when you see them.Mum told me to join nkf after graduating.I was joking when i said nkf holds no future for me. Actually,i do want to join them.I am thinking of joining them.We shall see what God decides and i was the latest to arrive.Mum was nagging at me the whole journey(i decided to call her along since she was bored and they said i could bring as many people as i wanted to.) After that incident,i swore never to be late for anything again.(exceptional cases for those whom i know would make me wait bloody hell long. dont wanna be a fool no more man!i've had enough of waiting) At the entrance mum was already so amused by the gigantic tortoise-s!
We were finally able to enter into underwater world!There were so many cameras and all.We were then each given a sticker .
Realised this was only for the media,which meant we were among the 1st Singaporeans to see the newly introduced species 'the sea angels'!!!!Made me even the more excited!thump thump thump.Speech from the whoever-that-was followed.Seriously cant remember who that was.Haha.Then he said..let us all welcome Mr Khoo Swee Chiow who has done Singapore proud,he climbed mt everest,been to the north and south poles,swam the waters of the malacca strait,been to the 7 summits,to name a few.I was like,ok,i think I've heard of such a person but didnt really have an impression of this guy who seems to have achieved alot.(Learnt from my friend later on that we actually learnt about him in one of our modules."oh did I?!") I was raising my brows all the way.
As the speaker continued ranting on,I asked mum:"Mum,who's that?You know who ah?"
Mum:"What are you talking about?You're asking me about him?He's that famous guy la!Aiyo,the papers all talked about him what.Its all in the papers!!"
Me:Still looking puzzled and having just that lil bit of teeny weeny impression. "Eh,i really dont know leh"
The speaker then said :"Everybody please focus on the entrance of the cave on my right.
BANG.A super duper tall guy who wore this woolen collar thick pullover came out.So he's Mr Khoo?He greeted everyone and proceeded on with his speech.He's a very humorous guy who makes everyone feel very comfortable.He's got this charisma.Very very charming i tell ya.Woo.Then it was time for some mingling(dont know what you call that actually) among the reporters,him and the public.So mainly he was talking to the IC and all.Then the Nkf people requested to have a photo taken with him and the kids.Me?Am i included?Im part of the Cmf also right!Yipee!But then there were so many people staring.I kinda chickened out.Besides,no one noticed i had gone missing. There goes my chance! =(Silly me.Scared for what?*Shakes head*
Then after sometime, Sarah(one of the Nkf staff) came over and said:Hey!You weren't in the pict!You ah!Where were you hiding?
Me:No la,i was just having something to drink.(Still looking at the ever so charming Mr Khoo.hurhur)
Sarah:You wanna take a pict with Mr Khoo? Me:(Eyes widened and then shrinked to normal size again) Nah.Its ok.Im shy!!!!!!!Hhahahah
Sarah:Aiyo you ah.(Took me by the hand and marched towards Mr Khoo.Gosh!What is she doing?!)Mr Khoo!This is grace.
Mr Khoo:Uh-huh.(extended his hands towards me) Oh hi grace!Nice to meet you!How are you?
Me: Yea,nice to meet you too (Duh.Loss for words la.) Er,im fine,ya.
Sarah:Mr Khoo,grace would like to take a picture with you but she's a little shy Mr Khoo:Oh no problem,of cos,come grace!(He put his hands around my shoulders like a dad would put his on his daughter's.Its just so firm and warm.LOL.)
Therefore,wish granted.I had a picture taken.Mum didnt like to be in pictures so she volunteered to take for us.
Tada!But think i smiled a little too much.Cant really see my eyes.Hey,im happy what.What sia.And look at how tall he is.I feel like a midget next to him.Haha.I had to edit the picture so many times to fit him and me into the messenger display pict!Cos most of the time his head was missing!Then we chatted awhile with him.He's a really damn friendly guy who is so warm to everyone,regardless of who she/he is.You can see that he's one very genuine guy.Really.Gosh,im so glad to have met him.Now i know more about him cos i checked his web page out!How could i have not known about this great guy?Then the guide told us he would bring us to tour the underwater world.But most of the time i was wandering away from the group with mum.Oops.We preferrred "free and easy".Chahaha.
Cuttlefish
So cute looking right!When you knock on the glass,it would respond by changing its body color!Didnt know that!But they really look so "sotong".
Piranas
These are the killer piranas.They have extremely sharp teeth.Once you throw an animal or whatever in,a few piranas could reduce it to only bones within seconds.They feed on humans too.However,some piranas are vegetarians!
Moray eel
I think its spelt this way.Not sure.Didnt take much notice of their description too.Hee.But its really super duper gigantic and woo..scary!
Unidentified.
Hiaks,sorry.Didnt take note of its name again.BUT!I know its poisonous!
Seahorse
Seadragon
Very beautitful and bright colours eh?
It was then time to enter into the tunnel with the travellator.All fishes are enlarged 30% because of the glass.Didnt know that either.I think i didnt pay attention when there was an excursion to underwater world..er..7 yrs back?Chaha.Feeling so old.Haha.
Tere dang tere dang tere dang.......
Shark!!
Stingray!
wow..yummy eh.*slurps.evil.
Then there was a this school of fishes.The grouchies!They look super duper grouchy!Hahaha..Just take a look at them and you just gotta agree with me!But very amusing.Hahaha.
Didnt really take many photos in the tunnel.Very headache man.The world is swimming around you!We left the tunnel after viewing the last one.Gracie the dugong!Its a mermaid.Hiaks.
I think mum loved the jellyfishes.She thinks they're very pretty.
But this is her all time favourite.Its the mushroom like fishes.Haha.Sorry,didnt manage to remember the name.But they're really adorable!Haha!And they really look lik swimming mushrooms!!
Then the nemos!
Blue starfish!
Then it was time for the exclusive sea angels!mUahahahaha!Damn excited.When we went in,the place was freezing cold.And the design is very special.Becos it can only be found in the waters of the Artic,they made the place look like you're there.All ice and all.Then everyone crowded round the tiny glass panel.The sea angels are only 2 cm in size and the most they can grow up to is about 5 cm.The most interesting fact is that they are bi-sexual!Which means they can fertilise each other's eggs.And they have no eyes.They use their projections to help direct themselves around.During hunting,it extend its buccal cones out of its mouth in a spilt second to grasp a prey nearby.Why are they called sea angels then?Because they swim about by flapping their wing-like legs.Very cute hor?And i tell you,its really very beautiful.I was mesmerized by them.If only i could show you guys the video.Cos i couldnt capture them very well.See,i was very attentive!Let's take a look at the beauties!
End of pictures!Random few.If not it would take years to load.That marks the end of the trip!And they're planning for a trip to the coke factory!Haha.Might be going!Haha.I enjoyed myself alot on that day.What a fruitful trip.Aint the angels pretty?!
Will be off to the premiere screening of...MADAGASCAR!Gosh,am feeling so darn excited now can.Wa liews.Just like the gala premiere of Spiderman 2,I think this time would be just as fun!Hopefully tomorrow wouldnt be such a big hoo-ha.But i think alot of married Tcs stars would be there with their kids!Heck anyway.Wa,damn excited!Woo-wee.I was already so looking forward to that show so when they called me i was practically shocked!It seems like a really damn kick ass funny show.The trailers already managed to get me laughing.Ok,thats all for now.To those who persevered to this very sentence,congrats!And thanks,im so touched!=)
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Monday, May 16, 2005
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Sunday, May 15, 2005
+ searching for peace within myself + peace.peace.peace.
1kg yogurt.yums.food.erks.sweet stuff.yums.proper food.erks again.
can you imagine a 14 yr old scolding his mum bastard(quite a wrong word used)?what's becoming of kids nowadays.i didnt even dare talk back or scold my mum back then no matter how angry i was.it is just so disrespectful.who's gonna discipline him now?he's so hard to handle.i think who he hangs out with affects pretty much too.
worried sick thinking of the completion of our project.school's gonna reopen in about a week's time.gosh.im really really very worried.i think im gonna collapse.shucks.
food for thought: There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life -- happiness, freedom, and peace of mind -- are always attained by giving them to someone else.
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Saturday, May 14, 2005
give me proper food and i might just puke.
give me junk and i'll be more than happy.
just what is wrong with me.
so angry with myself.
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Thursday, May 12, 2005
went out with my poly clique.ps.miss them alot!didnt acknowledge each other.total strangers.hurt.somethings just cant go back to what they used to be.even if it does,a scar is left there.somethings need time to heal.for me,i need eternity.memories raked up and hurt is felt beyond words.old wounds are reopened.they never seem to heal.wished all these didnt happen.wish i can go against fate.but jolly well know i cant.all left is regret.
wine and sake loft.very nice place to chill.in the attic,big table,comfy cushions.card games.joked alot.pure fun.with good company.ambience:4.5/5.price:4/5.service:4/5.drinks:2/5.but somehow it was weird.weird how two people are so close and yet the next moment,they are like total strangers.im sure you guys know what i mean.strangers.
i broke my own record.walked three bloody flight of stairs!and when i came down,i was panting,exhausted.cold sweat.drenched.body felt cold.needed to catch my breath.but i didnt want to cause them to miss their last train.so i forced myself to walk no matter how SOB i was.it was a bad feeling.could feel the strain on my chest.girls are more sensitive,that's for sure.
decided to walk back to the bus stop to take a bus and then train.he waved but i didnt know(learnt from joey later on).i hate goodbyes.i dont wanna say goodbye.im scared to say goodbye.i dont wanna see him saying goodbye to me.i will miss him.i will.i do think of him sometimes.as in,how he's getting on with life.no other meaning.why do i care so much when he doesnt give a damn at all?
wishful thinking.what am i hoping for,fool?*slaps
saw elizabeth tan.if there was a programme to look for people you've lost contact with,i would definitely look for her.she still looks the same but people have cut her out to be someone who sleeps around.im sceptical.she was my best friend in primary school.i really miss her.but somehow she acted like some kind of high class and sophisticated girl.you know like 20 trying to act like she's 25.anyway.
why cant i just get over it?why must things be like this?why after so long he can and i cant.laugh at me all you want.even i think im such a loser.joey told me it was me who enlightened her.she said im a strong girl.how funny it is how i can help others yet i cant help myself.i know its all up to me.there's only so much one can do.i can do it.i jus need support.i just need to know there are people around me.im strong,i am right?
cos im just a lost soul who sits at the corner of the bed and cries into the pillow in the dark,not knowing what lies ahead of me.im scared.very scared.i told god that since he brought me to it,i believe he will bring me through it.please bring me through it.please hold my hand and walk with me.i just want to fast forward my life past this painful and seems to be clinging on to me phase.
miss**strangers**goodbye**scared**strong
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Tuesday, May 10, 2005
on a happier note,i bought so many things recently!am so happy.haha.let's see..bought a pair of levis(erks,cant stand my huge waist and short legs),a roxy bag(i loveeeee roxy),pair of roxy slippers,a couple of tops,lots more!so happy!hiaks. =))))))))))* am i a spendthrift?when i see something i really like,i dont think twice!i mean how often do we find something we really love?(ok,maybe pretty often) but i cant stop!heck anyway,im not planning for the future.immature.
hopefully we can finish our project soon.its complicating why we cant finish yet.schools gonna reopen soon.and that sux.
it was monday.went for my doc's appointment.he said the echo scan results weren't that good.the pressure in my right heart had gone up and that's not a good sign at all.if condition worsens,that is,my stamina deteriorates even with medicine,and my legs start to swell(now,how will i know since my legs look so swollen and fat everyday.),dizziness,chest pain,yea, all that sypmtoms.but im cool man,nothing to worry about.God shall decide.went out with dad and mum.joy. =)))))
it was sunday.went to celebrate mothers' day with my aunt and family,grandma and of cos my own family.was great!but bro got pissed with cousin and it almost turned nasty.he's got a hell of a temper there.but we reminded him to control!finally had my long awaited crabs!*slurps* enjoyed myself.went to get haagen daz after that.elder bro is very nice afterall.just that we didnt communicate with him too often.he's really funny!*snorts
by the way,did i ever mention that i love and treasure my family soooo much?yes,i really do.and i cant imagine life without them. =))))))
thought of the day:If your heart acquires strength,you will be able to remove blemishes from others without thinking evil of them.
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Saturday, May 07, 2005
How does it happen?
Why does it happen?
why does it happen to us?
To answer these questions our greatest minds have developed brilliant and complex philosophical models.yet still the old patterns return.love dies.it happens to almost everyone.
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men are like rubber bands.when they pull away,they can stretch only so far before they come springing back.a rubber band is the perfect metaphor to understand the male intimacy cycle.this cycle involves getting close,pulling away,and then getting close again.Most women are surprised to realize that even when a man loves a woman,periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer.men instinctively feel this urge to pullaway.it is not a decision or choice.it just happens.it is neither his fault nor her fault.it is a natural cycle.women misinterpret a man's pulling away because generally a woman pulls away for different reasons.she pulls back when she doesn't trust him to understand her feelings,when she has been hurt and is afraid of being hurt again,or when he has done something wrong and disappointed her.
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To a certain extent a man loses himself through connecting with his partner.by feeling her needs,problems,wants,and emotions he may lose touch with his own sense of self.pulling away allows him to feel autonomous.
regardless of how it is described,when a man pulls away,he is fulfilling a valid need to take care of himself for awhile.
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men argue for the right to be free while women argue for the right to be upset.men want space while women want understanding.
three steps for supporting her when he needs to pull away
1)accept your limitations
2)understand her pain
3)avoid arguing and give reassurance
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how to listen without getting angry
[what to remember] 1)remember that feelings dont always make sense right away,but they're still valid and need empathy. [what to do and what not to do] dont say anything.relax and let go of trying to control.try to imagine how you would feel if you saw the world through her eyes.]
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the secret of empowering a man is never to try to change him or improve him.*the best way to help a man grow is to let go of trying to change him in any way.*
taken from men are from mars,women are from venus.
for those who have not read this book yet,its a really good book.can clear your doubts.well i guess we didn't communicate as much as we should.i always complained too much about his lifestyle and how friends are so much important than me.and i never once cared about his feelings or put myself in his shoes.and he too never voiced out his unhappiness about me at all.until the last minute when he is so certain about his decision,that he says out everything he is unhappy with and about.but till then,it is too late.what's over is over.the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past;u cant go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. grab hold of this wonderful book today!
When 1 door of happiness closes,another opens;bt often we look so long at e closed door tt we dont see e 1 which has been opened for us
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Friday, May 06, 2005
have you guys ever thought of being famous?rich?i mean sometimes i dont deny..i do think of such things.its like..everyone know who you are,that kinda thing.like wow,she's gotten herself known and wow this wow that,wow she achieved so much etc.
but i guess there are two sides to everything.pros and cons.yes,you are famous,everyone knows you and you're proud that you've achieved so much.but some people just cant feel happy for you,i mean,they get jealous and they start doing ridiculous things like sending hate mails or whatever you can think of.up to your imagination.perhaps they would think to themselves "why does she deserve that?am i in any way inferior to her?" why this why that.
be happy with what you've got.you can be as happy without being rich nor famous.sometimes its a blessing instead to be an ordinary person.appreciate and be contented with what you have.if you are complaining incessantly,i think nothing will be enough to satisfy you.and you'll find yourself constantly searching for things which dont really matter and along the way,you've missed those which were right there waiting for you.and perhaps those are the things/person you really need afterall.
im happy that im alive.for those who dont know,ive got heart and lung disease.(ok,im nt haolian-ing.but only vr few people know about this)when i knew of my illness,i was devastated but i thought to myself back then "hey,things arent that bad are they?you're alive,you can live life normally and all.just think of those who are bed ridden or handicapped.whatever at all."i feel way much fortunate than them and they themselves never gave up on themselves and are standing up strong.and i feel happier and thankful.for now,i just hope to totally give up on my past and to move on with life.not to be affected and to stand up on my very own two feet without people helping me along.
so,dont be jealous about what people have that you dont.count your blessings,not what you dont have.be thankful whatever the case.be happy for those who have acquired achievement,be it fame,wealth,prestige.and dont forget to count your blessings and to thank God for everything. =)
``im worried for you and i would like to comfort you and be there but i know very well you dont want me to.i can only pray for you and keep my distance from you.``
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Thursday, May 05, 2005
tues:went 2 huiling's bday celebration at aloha loyang.woo.its vr far fr e main road.but e bugalow's reali nice.spacious,quite well furnished and vr clean.erm,duno hw 2 sae lah.haha.then there's 4 1 kitchen,1 toilet located beside there,dining area,living room,garden(for bbq,table and benches to sit,vr big.) and for bedrooms with toilets attached to specific ones.not bad rite?it was wow.so many people present.and i only know about 5 of them?haha.got to know a new friend.crystal.she's vr sweet.aadex's gf.vr easy going and easy to talk to.haha.then was talking to kevin abt his stuff.hais,everytime talk about him will feel damn affected.i was getting on pretty fine until that fateful night.chaha.got down to talk to xy and got quite abit of updates abt him.i didnt initiate those in case you guys are gonna reprimand me again!*sigh.poor boy.hopefully he has someone to turn to and comfort him.well,im sure there is.in fact,i've got this weird feeling that he has actually found that someone.but am i thinking too much or isit true?i felt really sad then(i mean about things happening to him).if only i could do something to make things better.i really wanted to just let him know that i really still do care and i'll be there anytime at all.but i know im not capable of it.cos he dont want me to.yea.so i can just keep him in my thoughts and prayers.and hope that everything would go better for him.*sigh again.kevin asked if i was gonna stay.then i told him no intially but he said since if i had nothing on then why not?so i agreed.but then i recalled i've got an appt the next daY!then we stayed and chatted..played with remote control car and got a cut on my leg.thx leh aadex.haha.then laid on the bed with xy jie.haha.actually its a pretty nice feeling talking to her.haha.then she told me she would send me home once kevin returned.so nice of her right.i think im a really xiao mei mei so they will tend to take care of me.hehs.thx!! =) haha.although i dont know huiling well,she's a kind soul.she's that kinda friend who would help you as much as she can.actually i feel that almost all of them are similar.hehs.then kevin and xy sent me home.reached home at 545.boy was i tired.was a great day.and i drifted into sleep with him on my heavy mind and burdened heart.if only i could help..*triple sigh.
wed:slept for barely 2 hours and i was awakened by mum.immediately jumped out of bed and went to prepare.remembered i had to go for an echo scan.reached there one hour later than the appointment time.haha.*er,what's new.oops.my chest was damn pain can.will know the interpretation for the scan during doc's appointment.went out with mum after that.haha.went shopping!hohO!im always very happy when im with mum in fact.we joke about lotsa things.before i went in for my scan,she looked worried.she said she didnt like such stuff cos it always gives her this bad feeling.i told her everything would be fine.nothing to worry about,really.that's mums for you.they're always worried over the smallest things.but that's how great their love for us is.hehs.reached home and was so tired.couldnt connect to internet.sigh.then watched tv and all.time really flies while you're slacking.haha.and here i am.waiting for the server.nothing interesting in this boring life of mine.haha.
food for thought:Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that do matter.
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Monday, May 02, 2005
who can i trust?can i even trust myself?
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watched a couple of vcds over the weekends.italian job's nice.gosh,damn thrilling can.and their plans are all so perfect.woo!runaway bride is ok.haha.felt so piggish lah.was almost sleep and slack on bed for the whole day yesterday.slept,had dinner.continued watching tv.then wanted to cont but dad got us to go with him to this function.another round of eating!urgh..*stares at stomach and cant seem to see the ground* but anyway,slurps!hahah!!its so funny huh.i mean the dad loves the daughter and the mum loves the son.i dont understand how they practise such biasness,i mean,both are your kids uh-huh.but that's kinda mean for the mother to fool around even though the husband's like so nice to her le.some women just dont like too nice husbands huh?they like husbands who can ill treat them once in awhile is it?confused.shant go on.oh n i saw that stupid bitch!imagine bumping into her!urgh,it kinda ruined my appetite and her table was right next to me and i could see her idiotic freaking wicked witch-like bitchy face.she never changed abit.erm,maybe more aunty lah.my classmates from hihs would know.our dear pe teacher ms tan.im usually not so mean you know,unless you're really mean to me.but even when ure mean to me,i wont be that mean still.but anyway,she's mean!ya.she's mean.imagine.**someone whose lips have turned purple from running.panting non stop.cant go on anymore.face have turned pale.limbs have turned cold.cold sweat.and letting out wheezing sounds.mind have gone blank.all she needs is to stand and rest(or sit,doesnt matter).and the witch comes along and gets the poor soul to continue the rest of the km.wth.the poor soul is half dead.but gotta carry on.the poor soul is me.the witch is her!total bitch.*phew* anyway,i told mum about her.and mum said she has this very wicked face.mum can imagine the pain i was going through.the pain a mum feels for her own daughter.that bitch will know how it feels next time.fortunately she wasnt my pe teacher for that 2 yrs.she had a kid after that.and i was granted good old mr ong.haha.that's a kind soul.a very kind soul.
hais.dont know if we can finish our project man.seriously,the people there are like so heck care.and it really affects our progress.sigh.sigh.
i seriously dont know who i can trust.trust seems to be a really big issue now.the people who i thought i could trust aren't that trust-worthy afterall.perhaps i have bad judgement.and the friends whom i thought would be there aren't there afterall.sometimes i seriously think i have no friends.cos when im bored,burdened,i dont know who i should approach.i think she's sick of having me.she's decided to abandon me!*sobs.ai,whatever.things aren't that bad.haha.i dont ask for much what.and i try to be the best i can.sigh.k la,dont wanna seem to be gaining sympathy.haha.there are friends out there who stil care and i know who they are.things aren't gonna be the same again.should i just pretend everything's fine?i cant possibly heal so soon.you told me you forgive.but i aint that sure.just look at your actions,they dont make me think you forgave.everything seems so fake.and i dont know what you're thinking.well,all i know is i will be cautious of you.really.you seem to be so prone to being hurt and so harmless but i think the person i should be most aware of is none other than you.i still dont understand why you did that.sigh.immature.
OOo...pizza's coming up!wee~!
*dont tell me forever baby when you dont mean it.i believe in forever no more.nothing's forever*
` ` happy bday h u i l i n g!! ` `
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Who's z girl:
its me.21.in a shit ass company.love my life and those in it.
Loves:
Sugar, spice and everything nice
Wants:
To lose weight.To be really happy.To remember God in all times.
To be more appreciative.To be genuine.To laugh like no-one's business!
Z girl:
Im basically a very simple human being.Love to laugh,love to play,hate to work,hate to study.
Love those who love me.Be nice to me and I'll reciprocate.
Im happy and smiley most of e time but I do have my shitty days too.
I only show my true colours to those Im close with.Even if on a bad day,I dont know u well,Im still all smiles.
But if u're my friend..then Im no smiles.WAHAHA.
Give me hell but I'll forgive u.I trust too easily in people.
Im obsessed with sweet stuff.
Make me laugh and u'll find it hard to stop me.I've a horrible laughter.So what?I love it!
Im barely surviving in a world of hypocrisy.Welcome to the club!
Walk down with me on memory lane:
- Went for dental appointment earlier on today. Ever...
- All girls are stupid and all guys are cheap.Why is...
- Increment? Big deal.
- Sicklet.
- Unforgivable sinner.
- Don't call me baby.
- The joke that wasn't exactly a joke.
- Time to move on?
- He's the one.
Trace Back:
- March 2005
- April 2005
- May 2005
- June 2005
- July 2005
- August 2005
- September 2005
- October 2005
- November 2005
- December 2005
- January 2006
- February 2006
- March 2006
- April 2006
- May 2006
- June 2006
- July 2006
- September 2006
- October 2006
- November 2006
- December 2006
- January 2007
- February 2007
- March 2007
- May 2007
- June 2007
- July 2007
Z Links
My Friendster Profile
Xueyu Jie
Bel
Rachel
Natalie
Elaine
Francis
Luke
Diana
Photohunt game
Speak to me