Rainbows in the sky

Friday, March 31, 2006

Today I received a very stupid phone call.

Me: Hello?

Guy on phone: Hello, may I speak to Grace xiao? I'm Terence tay calling from the SAF.

Me: (What?! Thinking for a long time if the person he is looking for is me! Why would someone from SAF be calling me??!!) Er...er..Grace xiao?

Guy on phone: Yeah, Grace xiao.

Me: Erm, its Grace Wee here.

Guy on phone: Ya, are you Grace?

Then I thought this voice sounded damn familiar!

Me: Orh! Clarence Tay from SAF.

Its that stupid clarence tay soon boon who called from camp cos he was bored to tears! Crazy shit. Make me damn confused nia. WAHAHAHA. And hello, I'm Grace Wee la, not Grace xiao! Kao.

~10:45 PM

* * *

I am having such a head splitting, bad headache. I thought it was lack of sleep, but it isn't!

I cannot seem to live a day without even minor ailments like headache, stomachache, chest pain etc.

Now I feel a little feverish. Damn.

Why can I ever be void of all these?

I read up on the new medicine I'm taking. There seems to be quite a number of side effects but they seem to happen to me all the time that I wouldn't think it is the side effect of the drug. Die la.

~5:31 PM

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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

I'm back!

Monday was such a busy day. Firstly, went to heart centre for a 6 min walk test. Its a test whereby they see how far you can walk for 6 mins. That one already can die. Haha. I usually don't push my stamina to max except for this test. So i felt so super tired. Then after that had to do this ecg then blood tests. After which proceeded to do admission stuff. Sian man. Went to see the doctor first then he asked me about my drug allergies blah blah blah. Then I was like thinking : "Good. I think admit for one day nia don't need put the plug right. YAY!" But to my disappointment, the doctor told me to stick my arm out and I saw the damn plug! Everytime I see that I get really freaked out but of cos I still tried to look very cool about it. "Oh. Plug. Its a plug! P-L-U-G! Plug nia, don't need scared k" Then I buay tahan already.

Me: Why must I put this?

Doc: Oh cos you will still need drip and all and if they want blood they can just take from here. ( "YAH, I KNOW.")

Me: I've had a very bad experience with this. That time a doctor tried to insert the thing in 3 times and still not successful. THREE times(trying to tell him you better not put me through the same thing. Put in once better go in the damn vessel. )

Doc: Oh not to worry k. I think you better not look at me do it. It's gonna sting a little...

Me: Nah, I'll feel better looking at you insert it in (It's true. Most people cant stand looking at it BUT I can't stand not looking at it!)

Doc: Ok, its up to you.

Hey but this time it didn't hurt la! MUahaha. Good sia! But I think the position was kinda weird la. When it was in I had a hard time trying to pick things up. But still alright la.

The stuff.

Lucky this time it got in on the first attempt.

I tell you the B1 ward not bad sia. Hai, pay more and you get more. But hell, I didn't have to pay anyway! Everything also sponsored by the company la. They asked if I wanted a B1 or A1. I said B1 cos considering the fact that I'll be alone, it'll be so freaky to be in the room all by myself!! Oh as I was saying, B1 ward is not bad! But abit exaggerated though. LOL. While I was resting on my bed after the admission stuff, this nurse came.

Nurse: Ms Wee, this is the menu for tonight's dinner, maybe you can decide what you want for breakfast and lunch tomorrow as well.

Me: (Looking stumped) What?! Wow, since when you guys got this menu thing? (The nurse was like laughing.)

Very kua zhang man! They got like chinese dinner, halal dinner, western food dinner and almost like 8 different choices of combination for breakfast, lunch and dinner! My gosh. *Peng

Then the most important thing of cos is the TV! I can't live without a TV man. Cool, got TV and headphones. Got normal channels, HBO, CNN, alot of other channels, can listen to 933 also..Cool cool. Wait a min, what?! Still got a channel showing the menu! What the.. oh my..oh my..still got picture!!! Wa lao. don't need so kua zhang right?! The lady who was admitted at the same time came to chat with me. Husband and wife are really friendly folks!

Then Angel dropped by.

Angel: Wa. You really come here treating this place like a chalet hor? Damn song la you!

Me: Siao ah! They provide me with what then I just make use of it nia what!

And of cos that idiot always make me laugh like siao also. We chatted for awhile with my mum and soon the nurse came and told me to get ready, to put on my "gown". Then she was like really grumpy cos I had nail polish on and all. Then she told someone to help remove it. Excuse me, I didn't know what! Hmph. Anyway, then I had to be wheeled to the Operating Theatre waiting area la. I waited there for quite long la. So I decided to sleep. But at that time this nurse came and told me she had to put the drip on for me. She is DAMN rough. That was when I thought to myself " These nurses. Not their own flesh then they anyhow!" Worst thing is she taped the 'tube' to the blanket together with my hand. -_- No wonder I couldn't move. I think I was there for like 1 hour plus before the op was carried out.

Dr Lim who is working together with my specialist is still as friendly, fatherly and warm when I met him years back. He still remembered me and was chatting happily with me. And he is damn damn gentle and courteous! He kept apologising. It felt weird. This time seemed to be more painful then I remembered it to be. Though I know LA doesn't quite work for me. It's supposed to numb the area but I still could feel the pain.

I could feel him insert the wire into my groin, I could feel everything. And he kept apologising when it really isn't his fault. I wondered if all the other patients going through this felt the way I did. I couldn't bring myself to sleep. I was awake throughout the whole thing. I don't know why, tears started to run down my face. I felt so stupid and useless. I was thinking of a worried mum outside and hoping to be strong through the pain I felt. " I musn't cry, if not mummy will be even more worried." Damn, why are tears coming? I'm not in great pain nor do I feel sad! Is it normal human reaction and the fact that I DO cry easily? Does tolerance go down with ageing? And then go up again with ageing? Its like a slope going up and down. Anyway, the nurses as usual were very rough. Dr Lim told them to like get me some more drip cos I'm dehydrating. Then I think they kan cheong also la. Then they pull the plug out and then I felt like liquid on my hand so I turned. Ooooh, so much blood everywhere! On the floor on my arm, still dripping. Gosh. The whole thing ended what I thought was quite fast but actually I was in there for like 2 hours? Another doc had to press so hard on my wound to stop it from bleeding. After that I was wheeled out and allowed to rest outside. The first question I asked my mum was : "Did the company call?" Retarded right.

So I was wheeled back to my ward. Had to lie flat for 6 hours. So I rested and the nurse came to ask if I wanted to be transferred to the A1 ward. So I asked mum if she wanted to stay. And told her it would be nice if she could. Very big baby right? But I'm really scared to be alone la and I couldn't move around also. So she said ok. GOOD NEWS! I'm eligible for the trial! Yippie. All the pain is worthwhile. :) Then the uncle opposite very helpful la. Cos it was very difficult to drink from bottle/cup then the uncle went to take straw for me sia! While waiting for them to get the ward ready, I watched some TV. Then sista came. So mum and her left to eat something light. Damn, they keep making me laugh la (Not on purpose though)! When I laugh I feel a pain in my groin! I was lying on bed happily switching channels. Then the uncle opposite was saying "Aiya, don't have channel U. I wanna watch lovers in paris." Then I was like thinking how is it possible they don't have the channel? Then the auntie said "Hmm, I never press anything but the channel keep changing itself(Me still happily switching channels.)" Oops! I didn't know when I switched my channel I would switch theirs as well. I think too sensitive and the TVs situated too near to each other. Haha! Sorry! Then I told the uncle how he could get channel U and he was REALLY happy. Cute sia.

Then qingxiu's family came to visit cos they were with qingxiu previously. They are SO friendly and funny! Especially granny! Sista told me at first the parents told her not to follow them, just sit there and wait for their return. But she happily ignored them and followed. Wahahaha. After that, the nurse came and said the other room was ready. So I was transferred there. Damn, if you are willing to pay, everything sure is different! What I saw was more like a hotel room man. Got your own personal restroom, another extra bed, tv, arm chair. Gosh. We were like.. 'wow-ing' Even the bed felt more comfortable. LOL. Qingxiu's granny is SO cute la! And it is really very sad that qingxiu is down with leukemia. Her mum was like wiping her tears and all while talking to me. She was saying nowadays the old ones take care of the young ones. Very sad la, I think mummy will be able to understand very well how she feels. But God really works miracles, he will hold you by the arm and lead you along. For everything that happens, it happens for a reason. He has his own plans for us. So don't worry aunty! Then Dr Lim dropped by to make sure everything was ok. Damn cute la he! Muahahahaha. I think he is the most friendly and approachable doctor I have encountered! :)

So my bro came up to visit me, my dad came too. So all of us were like watching tv and chatting, each having a space to sit. I started snapping cos I was too bored, unable to move.

My sister insisted she take that picture of me. I look so wretched and fat. Haha.

Its the view I get from my bed.

Personal tv!

The controls.

Still got controls for air con!

Can't get to sleep.

Mum slept well cos she spent the whole day looking after me and praying for me! Thanks mummy! (:

But for me, I tried very hard to sleep. When I almost did, I heard "AH..." Very loud! I got a shock so I turned to the door. Nobody leh. Then again and again. I was like..what the hell is the sound. Then I realised that it was an uncle next door yawning very very loud. Man.. The room is quite clean la. Hurhur. Then early morning the nurse came to take the dressing out for me. She gave me a shock man! Didn't even hear the door open. Morning came. Dr Lim and his two other assistants came. Hee. Dr Lim. So cute(but daddy says he like abit gay.Where got?!He's so fatherly!) Breakfast was yummy. Imagine me saying hospital food is yummy! Watched tv etc. Then the trial co-ordinator came to like settle everything before discharge. By this time I could move around but with limps. Cannot stretch if not scared the wound will hurt and start bleeding. So while waiting for lunch, I started snapping!

My resting place.

The world's best "missy" =D

Personal phone.

The world outside

Yay. I'm outta here today!

Really look damn like a hotel room.

The bathroom.

Bathing area.

Still got hair-dryer?! Looks similar to the one in Sunway...

I'm well!

Then lunch came...

Yummy.

Pork ribs soup?!

The fish is good!

Let's pose before we tuck iN!

Seemed more like a stay at a resort eh?

Anyway, I called the company that Tuesday morning cos I couldn't get through on Monday. Someone took my message, contact number and name down. But till now, there is no news at all from them. I think I really can give this job up le la. Maybe they think I'm someone who doesn't really cherish opportunities given to me. :( Anyway, what my friend said is true as well. If its a higher pay job I'm fighting for, he can understand. But this is like just a lower than average pay job, why am I so worried over it? True. But still! Anyway, thanks horny for giving me tips. And being so encouraging. :) I hope you will be able to qualify for that post! Really! Meanwhile, I shall rest before looking for another job.

Visited qingxiu after being discharged. She is really so optimistic and cute la. Really pray that she will recover after chemo and all. I'm glad I made her laugh sharing with her all my funny experiences. But she is just naturally so happy that she doesn't seem to worry about anything. She is so strong! At least she picked herself up le. Glad that she gets encouragement from those who go through the same thing as her..

Life is really so unpredictable.

~1:01 PM

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Sunday, March 26, 2006

Happy birthday to:

--The ever crazy xueyu jie who has a bf now!!!!!!! WHEE!!

--The big-gest Devil who does nothing but swim all day and play with mei meis

--My dear irritating 'bastard' kent who has too many expectations in life

~12:42 AM

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Saturday, March 25, 2006

I was so stupid to tell the person who called me up for interview I was able to make it on tuesday for the interview! I thought everything would run smoothly and I will be able to rush for the interview. But I forgot there might be complications for the scans and all etc. Now I can't even get the person who called me to change the interview time. First move already wrong and I have been so worried (yah, as usual the panicky and worry-too-much me). I really hope the person would be understanding and allow me to change to another slot! Million sighs! :( I think I really too tensed up le. Worried about so many things.. But I really hope can gain some experience at least from that company. Oh well.. If this job doesn't want me, there's always another. The grass is greener on the other side. ^^,

There's so many things to be done.

1) Interview with the church group tomorrow at 9am
2) Take passport sized photo tomorrow
3) Have to go to heart centre for a 6 min walk test, ecgs, blood tests
4) Go for right heart study, blood tests
5) Be hospitalized for a day on monday after all the horrible stuff! Very sian.
6) Interview ( Hopefully still able to attend! ) for job!

I'm so not looking forward to next week! An escape? Maybe..

I'm just so tensed up and over-worried. :( I'm starting to feel a great lack of confidence and feeling so low-morale.

W-H-Y?!

~11:59 PM

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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Was reading cleo and there is this section which says 20 things Singaporean Women should give a damn about. The stuff they say is like really true!

*1st topic:

"Picture this: One morning, you and a pregnant lady board the train to work. All seats are occupied naturally,and you notice the mum-to-be standing in front of a few men who are all comfortably seated, seemingly unaware of her existence. Do you ask one of them to give his seat up? Or do you just hold your peace? " *

For me, I hold my peace but yet inside of me, many angry voices are debating.

"Wa lao, be more gentlemen leh."

"These people ah, incorrigible. "

"Can't stand it. Hai"

And it goes on. Just like yesterday. This old uncle and guy came in. The guy and old uncle both spotted the seat at the same time but of course, the guy cheong to the seat la! Then the old uncle was like so sad. I swear I wanted to give my seat up but the old uncle just refused to look at me and everyone else was eyeing my place. So the next station this old aunty boarded and immediately I gave it up to her. The kind of joy they express makes everything more than worth it. So I seriously can't understand why some people are just so selfish and in their world it's just "ME.MYSELF AND I"

Society. What's happening?

*Second topic: Shark's fin consumption

Sharks are moving closer and closer to extinction. Every year, 100 million sharks are finned and thrown back into the sea where they die a slow, painful death. Great start to a wedding, eh? About 40 sharks have to be killed so your guests can slurp tasty soups. but did you know that a shark's fins do not impart any flavour? That means you won't even notice any difference if you were to order sea cucumber and baby abalone soup instead! What can you do to help get the message across? Don't take the easy way out("It'll be a pity not to drink it since it's killed already"), reject any shark's fin soup that's served to you!*

Seriously la, I always thought since the sharks have been killed already, might as well eat. Make their death worthy. Anyway, if I don't eat it, someone will. Super horrible. I know I know. But I stopped doing that ever since the last few dinners anyway! Those poor sharks. Although they are very scary and awful creatures too...but them being put to death in such a way is equally awful..

**Taken from CLEO APR 06' ( Grab a copy of this juicy and info filled mag at all major newstands! )

There are still many more mentioned which is really very true la! We really should give a damn!

Now, time for reflection..

~4:31 PM

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Monday, March 20, 2006

Friday

On friday morning, on the morning of my aunt's birthday, she msged me.

"Hi! I just received my birthday package ( I thought it was gonna arrive so damn late la. Phew. ) Thanks. am very touched. will call later tonight to talk to you all. thank you for loving and remembering me."

This msg made me miss her even more! :(

Saturday

Went to the expo with meimei. As usual, she's always fun to be with la. Making me laugh my ass off with those funny jokes and actions. Sometimes, I'm really thankful I can get along so well with her. We entertain each other with our stupidity and humour. =)

Got psychoed by this auntie to buy some marvel gel which can remove blackheads. I know, my blackheads are sooooo unsightly can. Hopefully it will work, abit at least. That auntie I tell you! She said spend above $50 then can get this free gift. I asked her what that free gift is. She just said "You jiu dui le la....Lai wo men qu counter huan qian, huan qian le jiu ke yi na le." I was like..shit la, won't be anything good one lor.. Alas! It was some cleansing gel which is not for sale. But never mind la, I don't kei gao with her. Just hope my condition will get better. Walked until my short legs damn tired. Like wanna break sia and felt that it shrank by a few cm. Hai. Never mind. Just accept my fate.

Then this indian guy kept calling me so many times! It was an overseas call. Me thinking it might be my aunt picked up.

"HELLO! NANG GALA?!!!!"

"Huh? I think you got the wrong number."

"NONO! NANG GALA BOOT AH **?!**=_**"

Stupid me, still thinking that it might be lines being crossed, still explained that he got the wrong number. Then I finally decided to hang up. Second time he called and second time I still picked up! Stupid right! After a couple of hours he called again and I just didn't bother. I hope it didn't cost much man! Kao.

Monday

I seriously have got no idea what I'm doing with my life.

Went for an interview earlier on with the agent. Actually I'm not interested in what she offered me. She offered me a draftsperson post, a 3-6 mths temp job. I don't want temp man, I want a permanent job! So I just told her I'm more interested in the facility field. Kinda rejected the job offer. I know it might sound like I'm a little too picky but I don't wanna do something I don't like! It will be a struggle man. Then there's this column "Are you suffering from any illness?" My heart dropped and I was hesitating. But well, honesty is always the best policy, so I was very frank about it. She asked what that illness is and if I'm on medication. And if I was mentally affected. Siao man. I just answered frankly.

I pray everyday that people might be able to accept people with disabilities but reality and society is always cruel la. I pray that they will be more accepting of me. I didn't feel good after the interview. Will I be able to get a job despite my disability?

I really hope so.

Demoralised.

My old self kinda like resurfaced. My temper was really very bad for like about 1/2 an hour. Hai. I hope I can curb my temper in situations that upset me and pick myself up and be more confident in my life journey. Everyone experiences setback anyway and mine's probably a minor one. But I’m still so affected and keep thinking if I don’t suffer from this maybe I’ll be given more opportunities. Anyway! “Grace isn't like this! Grace must be happy no matter what k!" =D

~8:15 PM

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Friday, March 17, 2006

Forgetting someone is just so difficult. So what if the person once treated you very badly? If you still want to make the person out to be someone not-so-bad, you will always choose to put the person in good light. And it always flash back to the sweet things he has done for you.

So it is with me.

I still find forgetting him so hard to do. Every time he appears in my mind, many questions will boil within me. Why? What did I do wrong? Although I know it is not my fault nor his, I just cant help but reproach myself. It seems I will never be able to get the answers to those questions. What if one day he comes back? Will I give in and go back to him? I know very well that I have given in many times. Everytime I set my mind to forget him, he will come back and ask for forgiveness. And every single time, I forgive and believe that it will be better than the last. I'm just wondering if it will ever happen again and how I would react. Hopefully this time my mind will speak louder than my heart.

~3:57 PM

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Hmmm. Sometimes I wonder how I should spend my 21st bday? I really got no idea. Alot of people seem to have celebrated 21st birthday this Mar!! Chalet seems like a good idea but everyone is doing that. Go for a vacation? I don't mind! We'll go hk to visit my dearest waiiii! It will be fun! But who can go with me? :( Or just have a simple celebration with my close friends? Or maybe we shall go skinny-dipping! NO! Bad idea, then everyone will be able to see my fats resurface.

What about a meal of crabs?! But gotta kill your own crab if you want to eat it! Interesting! Then I'm sure no one will do that and I'll have all the crabs to myself! NO! Then I will be ill and so bloated. But who cares?! I'm 21!!!

What about a halloween party combined? Since my birthday is only a few days away from Halloween? NAH, don't think my friends will go for that idea. Then what are my parents and relatives gonna dress up as? Be mummified? Or paint charcoal to look battered? Hmmm. Bad idea.

Then do what?!

Anyway, why am I brain storming so hard? Different people have different views and opinions. To me, a birthday is just a day whereby it marks how many years I have came into this world in a very special way. So what makes 21st birthday any different?

Maybe by then, someone special would have came along and he shall plan for me. Saving me all the trouble. : ) K, let's not appear so despo. Life's good without those creatures what.

I know! Let's so parachuting!

Ok, enough is enough.

NO! Let's go horse riding!

No, enough.

Ok, enough. Fine.

I know! I know!! After I strike toto, I shall buy my dearest friends and family an air ticket and we'll head to India! I want to be at the place where the visa advert took place. I want a thousand birds!

~3:11 PM

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Saturday, March 11, 2006

Omgosh, I'm so sad Chengxi is eliminated! But anyway, I think he is a great actor nonetheless.

Went for a few tests on thurs. Have to go back for some more tests and all on 27Mar. Meanwhile, I'm praying hard and keeping my fingers crossed, hoping I will be eligible for the drug! If not all my hopes will be dashed! Nothing matters as long as I am eligible for the trial. Yes.

Oh yeah, managed to clear my modules! But will start looking for a job only after the trial thing is settled. Don't want to keep taking leave and all. Congrats to chin who cleared all her modules especially the killer maths and congrats to my fellow mates Horny and Hweebos. : ) Yippie!

Preparing Nayi's present. Guess it'll arrive in NZ late (as usual). Oops.

Sometimes, drama serials are really so impossible. I mean, how can it ever happen in real life?? So just watch and don't think too much.

~10:23 AM

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Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Hmm last thurs went to collect meimei's custom made shoes. She claims that the flowers on the right side is bigger than the one on the left. But nobody would look into such details la! Haiyo. Haha. Then I told her cos every pair is unique ma that's why they made it this way. She didnt buy that.

Then the following day went to gardens with Hweebos. Went to this ktv and hell did the room stink! Smelled like some rubbish chute but the price is dirt cheap and not bad as well. I think they just opened for business and the air con was like just starting to run. Anyway, it got better after some time. Oh it was fun! Unlike those irritating staff at the other KTV, this one didn't bother about us much. They didn't walk past staring into our room at least. After which, we went to meet meimei at Suntec. Had laska then went to look for the little plant. Bought one for myself. Hahaha. It is still growing well under my undying love and care. Muahaha. Then meimei bought a MNG wallet for me and one for herself too. That's nice of her isn't it? : ) We went home shortly cos my stomach was aching again! Must be the laksa sia.

On sunday, went out with my fave poly mates. Hahaha. First time I organise and turned out quite bad. Hahaha. I went to book Wolf creek cos that is the only movie that everyone haven't watched and could fit into the timing. It was pure disappointment la. The movie was really bad! First half an hour I almost fell asleep, not interesting at all! Really boring. When all the killing and abusing started, it wasn't so bad. Hmm, actually only the first half an hour was stupid la. Besides that, I think the movie was still alright lor. All of them complained to me la after the movie. Oops, sorry guys, I didn't know the show would turn out to be like that lah. We went geylang after that for supper in Liwen's car. Hmmm, it is quite an interesting place to be at but quite a complicated place as well. Hwee joined us halfway after she knocked off. Anyway, joey was like pretty freaked out and she kept insisting she wanted to take a cab out of the danger zone and dropped me off at the nearest mrt. I think she siao ke liao man. Hahaha! After that took a bus home and was really scared when I walked alone through the dark estate. =X Anyway, I really enjoyed myself with them with all their never ending nonsense and jokes. =) Must meet up more often!

I was so blur on monday la! Sotong man! I mistook the appointment with Dr for 12pm but in actual fact, was supposed to be at 430 la! Peng. I was already there with mummy! Hai. So we went to have lunch and the food sucked la! Erks. Anyway, we walked into pharmacy, 7-11 and decided to just take a rest back there at the NHC. Then again, the lady told me to call her before I took my blood test cos she needed some blood from me for some tests so might as well take one shot. BUT blur me, went to take my blood test then called her! I think she must have thought "How come this girl is so blur?!" So I had to go through the needles another time and she kept apologising. But "its my fault" I kept telling her. Those people taking my blood bloody funny la! Had a good time laughing. And of cos with mummy around, I also laugh till peng one la.

Anyway, after going through all the scans, tests etc, it is still not certain that I will be eligible for the trial. So pray very hard that I'll be eligible!!!! At least give me a hope to improve my condition. I'm so worried that I will encounter difficulties looking for a job because of my illness. Hai. I really think about it night and day but there is nothing I can do to change other people's mindset anyway. So hopefully they'll be accepting enough. Yeah.

Alright, I'm off!

~7:55 PM

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Wednesday, March 01, 2006

I was so damn angry.

Wanted to put this new section in my blog that shows pictures flicker randomly, so I had to like adjust the settings and all to ensure enough space. And I don't know how, when I saved the template changes and previewed my blog, almost everything was gone except the Cbox and intro! DUH! I got really panicky so I refreshed, thinking it was probably just slow to the changes done. But sadly, it was not.. Luckily, I saved a version like quite long ago, so I just modified there.

Feel so stupid and lousy!

Now I can't remember what I had and had not. So all those addresses are either from memory or from links that I could remember. I don't know who I'm missing out though but seems like those are the only blogs I browse through. So if I miss you out, please kindly inform me!

I still feel so stupid! :(

~5:52 PM

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